btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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