I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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