You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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