why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
