you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
