you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
