My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
