I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
