I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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