Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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