If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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