we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
