A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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