I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
