i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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