haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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