he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
