I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
