the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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