Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
