Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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