Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
