Already got asked if we're dating
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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