You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
