the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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