I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
