***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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