We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
