Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
