I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
