Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
