In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
