you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
