Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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