I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am available for nakedness
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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