How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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