I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
