Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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