i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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