Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize