I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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