Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
