im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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