When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
