i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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