I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
