In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
