My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize