Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
