how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
