question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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