No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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