ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
