it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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