WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
