Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
