Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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