no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
