I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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