Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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